Thus lies the discourse, bleeding out onto the sand.

I'm going to hypothesize that you may not understand the empathy posts like this engender in the majority of men on the Internet. Because heterosexual courtship the world over follows a pattern of men pursuing women, and because men the world over are chided for not pursuing aggressively enough but castigated for pursuing too aggressively, there are few men who have not, at some point, wondered why "the asshole" gets the girl while the "nice guy" does not.

At some level, at some point in the past, present or future, every man will relate in some way to arguments such as this. There will be empathy with the position that nice guys finish last. There will be affinity with the calm, erudite person who nonetheless is luckless in the romance department. Thus, there's no way to completely avoid tarring every male in the conversation with the brush. IF you're calling the author a sexist AND I sympathize in some way with the author THEN in some way, you're calling me a sexist.

And maybe I am. Probably I am. Probably we all are at some point on some level. That's our humanity, warts and all, working towards betterment of ourselves. And here we are, generally agreeing about lots of stuff, overwrought to the point of capitulation because, as observed by the author, this has become a radicalizing conversation to have on the Internet.

Back in the bad old days, a girl with a "great personality" was known to be fat or ugly. These days anyone making that connection is rightfully called a sexist and an asshole BUT the statement tacitly suggests that it takes more than a "great personality" to be attractive to the opposite sex. It would make sense, then, that the question "I have a great personality, why will no one date me?" be answered with "It takes more than a great personality to be attractive" and that would be the end of it. But that's not the way the discussion goes.

"I'm a nice guy, why won't anybody date me?"

"The fact that you're asking proves you're not a nice guy."

And just like that, the loveless, luckless laggard isn't just alone, he's alone and under attack.

And unfortunately, so is anyone who has ever related to him. THAT is why it's a gendered issue. THAT is why comparing what men want to what women want and what men do and what women do doesn't help. Damn right - self-pitying diatribes are poorly received the world over. The point, however, is that while sad sacks used to be allowed to be sad sacks, the trend in discussion has sad sacks being pilloried as assholes for the act of asking why they're sad sacks.

I don't think it's helpful, and I don't think anyone benefits when the default answer given to the sad sack is a knee-jerk response berating them for their entitlement.