I'm only posting here because I don't feel my journal will cut it for this stuff. And, I just took a Vicodin, so don't get mad with me for any incoherence. And on mobile with a sorta bum right hand.

I had just some minor outpatient surgery to remove a ganglion cyst. Probably the least important surgery the doc did all day, but it annoyed me, so it went. They still put me completely under though, even if that isn't necessarily common for the procedure.

As they took me to the OR, they gave me a sedative in my IV. No clue what it was called, but it was probably the best drug I've ever had, for the five minutes I remember. Mentally, I held onto intelligence and facts, but concepts of broader ideas like time and movement became looser. Visually, colors were sharper and more defined, but shapes were blurry. What was sort of disturbing was that I knew that at down point, which for all I knew had already passed, my memory would probably phase out. I had, and have, no clue how it worked. How long did I remember things for? Can I access those memories somehow? Are they there and just lumped in with the unconsciousness from the general? Did they form then I forgot them, or did they never form to begin with?

I know exactly when my memory shut off. They had gone to get the arm rests. Then nada. I remember remembering waking up, but now my first memory is being moved from recovery to my own room.

I have no clue what my surgeon looks like. So if I saw him on the street would I recognize him? I'm sure I talked to him as planned in OR, but I have no memory of that. It wasn't like falling asleep, I was rather lucid in the OR, but now it is easiest to treat it that way.

There's a clip I have of the anesthesiologist así my me to count down from 100 by the square root of 13. As I try, he puts the mask over my face. I think, and think figuring "100-sqrt13" would be to cheeky of an answer. He says "About as good as my other patients. Somewhere between 3 and 4." Then, no more jleopold. I think I dreamed thtat last night, but I don't remember remembering it until after the surgery. If it was a dream, what happened when I fell asleep?

It was fun I guess. Definitely some interesting drugs, and I am glad I remember part of it. But it disturbs.me to have this chunk missing from my timeline. I don't even know what happened in the surgery because I forget the block of time when they walked me through it all. I know I was awake. I know instinctively I should remember. I also know the power of drugs and that I shouldn't. The glorious mind is feeble, weak-willed, and easily manipulated, so why do I place such stock in it? Why do I trust it and seek answers from it? I never thought that the surgery would lead me to that. But it has. And again, I turn the only places I've learned I can for answers: my mind, my experience, and my memory. Even as I know they are all wrong.

But now I'm taking too much from it. Least I'm cyst free now.