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comment by user-inactivated
user-inactivated  ·  3145 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: How do I deal with my parents' possessive control of me?

I'm going to guess you are their oldest or only child, or if you have an older sibling he/she has goals much more similar to your parents. They didn't get to practice raising thefanficguy from baby to adult s few times first, so they are just guessing based on their own lives. So taking with your parents will be easier if you remember what they are thinking. It seems that they are trying to guide you in ways they think will make you happy, and they seem to be trying to help you succeed, but their idea of success is different than yours. It's futile to tell someone they are completely wrong, but you can explain how your own ideas are different if you are patient.

Self sufficiency and self reliance are very rewarding and a huge milestone in life. But don't be afraid to approach this gradually - it will give you time to learn about yourself and it will give your parents time to let go slowly. One step toward independence would be a small part-time job. I don't know if your university does this but many American universities hire students to work in the libraries or student centers for 8 or so hours a week. A job like that wouldn't pay for the apartment, but you would get a little money and experience working and time management. Some restaurants and businesses near universities may also hire students for few enough hours per week that it won't impact you grades as long as you manage your time well. I think in your situation it is better to take very small steps toward your goal than to stand still looking where to leap, or to leap without looking where to land.





user-inactivated  ·  3145 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I don't know if your university does this but many American universities hire students to work in the libraries or student centers for 8 or so hours a week.

That's a good idea. I'd have to check for it. Gotta check the local businesses, too: there's a translation agency right opposite the university - would be good if they hire students.

You're right: I better take it slow, or, at least, not all at once. Gotta keep that in mind.

As for parents - I think you're right. I used to demonize them, make them into something of pure evil who just won't listen, who are stubborn in their point of view when they could have just listened to me (since I know I'm right - of course I am!)... A few people already have put my mind to the right place regarding this. Indeed, my parents are human beings as I am, even if some of those people lack empathy and have no idea that emotional abuse is bad, - and that's how I should treat them. This is going to take time to settle in my head, but it's a good idea. Thanks for reminding me of it once again, so I can put the thoughts properly.