Sometimes in my life I have not wanted it to get better. Break-ups can do weird things to your head, and thinking that eventually I wouldn't care that much about that person - wasn't what I wanted at the time. Even though it was tearing me up. Then again there have been times where everything has been so bad that the thought, "it will get better," has not been reassuring or even usually enough. It takes a long time, you know. You can be in pain and try to tell yourself, yes, but it'll be better eventually, but sometimes all you care about is that it fucking hurts right now. Tomorrow doesn't matter. Books. Books help.
I feel ya. I hope things get better for you, because emotional pain can sometimes hurt a lot more than physical pain. Like, there's pills that are pretty good at getting rid of physical pain, but the drugs built for emotions are always a "maybe". On top of that, it feels like normal pain doesn't warp your mind like being an emotional wreck does. Really, anything that helps you "get away", without affecting your health, is good. The best thing to do is find something that dulls the pain, because you can turn to it when things go bad and sometimes it's enough to start pulling yourself out of your pit. If books help you, then start reading.Books. Books help.