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comment by Isherwood
Isherwood  ·  3268 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Today's writing prompt: The Middle

Great, I like this one much more.

    We have cereal in silence, but she still grins. I ask her why. "It's the first time I've ever spent the night with a guy, you know, all night." I blush and smile back. "Did we, you know..." I ask. "No, I don't think so, we would probably have woken up naked then, wouldn't we?" I nod, and look around. The house is oddly tidy, with a couple of cigarette burns here and there.

This is a nice little passage. We get to see the characters a bit more, what it feels like to spend the night with the other sex for the first time, made all the more meaningful because it was just that shared experience of the night. I also get a bit more feeling about the space, which was cleaned by some good samaritan but, for those who looked, was still forever changed.

It's actually a neat little parallel to your character, Fran (I don't have the fancy C). It's not a big change she's going through but it's certainly a milestone in her life and a few of the other people who have passed may notice she has as well. This is the kind of thing I like to read and put into stories, hooks that tie settings to feelings. It's also how I add that emotion I'm all about, in my life I'm a little emotionally distant so I'm always relying on parables to try to get close to what's going on inside.

You definitely have a start writing style, simple language and short sentences, and I think it works for you. I also think you can use that style to dig deeper into people, cut through the flowery language and really get down to some core truths.

Great job, I'm glad to have you as a writer.