Yesterday's blog talked about people misunderstanding our words. Today it's about hearing the unspoken message and responding with empathy.
We hear a lot about the importance of empathy, and we try to be empathic; however, sometimes what we say just makes things worse.
Have people ever said to you:
"I know what you're feeling."
"I hear what you're saying."
"I'm sorry." (not an apology, but an expression of concern.)
Even though the person is trying, those statements make me feel less understood.
I suggest that instead of saying "I know just how you feel," suggest a feeling.
Instead of saying "I hear you," say what you hear. Get yourself out of the response and focus on the other person -- that is if you care and want to help.
Hubski, feel free to pm me if you don't know what to say to a troubling statement.
I think the current generation of young(ish) people is particular disconnected from the older generation. There are all sorts of technological stuff that we know and use without thinking, but the older generation knows more about some practical things, especially about interactions with the business world, which seems to be taboo in the school system.
I agree with this, and I can theorise why it may be: young persons are more likely to communicate face-to-face with peers when in school and their chances for interaction are limited, and more likely to communicate outside of school through digital means. Social interaction is a huge factor in a young persons development, they build the skills to recognise body language, facial expressions, empathise and express themselves through copying adults and trail and error with peers. But where exactly are they supposed to find the time? In school they are asked to keep silent and work, hurried between classes where there is no room or time to face each other, or talking over food where their attention will be divided. I struggled with socialising at school, mostly making friends online and from the rare occasion I would visit a schoolmates house. It wasn't until college and university that I came out of my shell and became more confident talking with and to people, and I think one of the catalysts for this was that instead of saying an answer to the teacher, these environments encourage discussion amongst peers.