I think it's quite brave of you to be so open about your insecurities, your feelings of self-loathing and your delusions of greatness. Some people spend a lot of time lost in their own little inner world, but they'd rather be misunderstood than admit it to themselves, let alone a community of strangers. Now don't let this newfound awareness and self-respect go to waste. Build on them, and keep an eye out for those patterns of dysfunctional thought that have prevented you from living a fulfilling life until now. It sounds to me like you have some kind of social anxiety disorder, maybe avoidant personality disorder. You might want to consider the possibility of getting professional help. * * * And yeah, kleinbl00 is the typical big fish in a small pond. Every forum has one, and it seems Hubski is no exception from this point of view. Good for you for not bending under the pressure and not apologising. * * * And TV Tropes sucks.
Thank you for the support. Do you mean that? I did do quite a few mistakes on the way, after all. While asserting myself has been a great idea, for it gave me the important momentum, I now understand that in doing so I broke my own rule of credit of respect, which proves me to be a disrespective person on the occasion, and it is not what I want to be. I might, indeed. I've held up remarkable levels of discipline against things that might be of help to my mind so far, but now that you mention it, it sounds like I might end up needing it. I've always preferred to "help myself" rather than "use" anything (meditation, yoga, therapy, so on) because, apparently, it was supposed to show me that I'm entirely capable of doing my own fights, however grand they are, or to assert myself as an independent person, even though I'm completely dependent on others for most else at the moment. You can see the hipocrisy flowing over the edge. Any particular advice in the meantime?Good for you for not bending under the pressure and not apologising.
You might want to consider the possibility of getting professional help.
I do. Peer pressure makes people do stupid things, like making them apologise for having the wrong opinion. I think this could be seen as a first step towards overcoming your fear of not being accepted by the people around you. Get enough sleep, exercise, make sure you're getting enough vitamin d. I'm serious, don't underestimate the effect that your physical health can have on your state of mind. Mens sana in corpore sano.Do you mean that?
Any particular advice in the meantime?
Thank you. I feel like I'm doing progress with exercise - doing the cycles of two days running and two days of upper-body training, each cycle increasing the time/the number of times and reps - but sleep is still beyond me. Do you have, by any chance, a well-informed guide on sleeping at hand, or do you have a name I can research? I wanted to edit the first reply to you, but since you've already posted your answer, I'll ask here: why did you say that TV Tropes sucks? Did you mean that it sucks in? If not, why do you hold it in such a low opinion?
I have no such guide, unfortunately, but I can tell you that getting a vitamin d3 supplement pretty much fixed my sleep schedule. When I stopped taking it, I went back to sleeping during the day and staying awake at night. There are several things that can disrupt your sleep or make it harder to fall asleep. Caffeine is one, obviously, and bright screens (both television and computer) are another often overlooked source of problems. About TV Tropes: I just don't like their approach to media. I feel like they're creating a jargon to talk about stories and characters without actually talking about them.