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50 Shades of Grey is awful in a way that no amount of hyperbole can explain http://www.beutlerink.com/blog/50-shades-of-grey-quotes-visualized/ One reviewer said that no reasonable person could read it and come to the conclusion that the author's first language is English.
My theory became that the writer is a desperate housewife. There was one point near the beginning of the book where I just had to put it down from laughter because she said her orgasm was like "the spins cycles of the laundry machine". That is not sexy nor does it make sense. I'm ESL and I definitely write better.