Love; ithink it was "Maron" that brought up the stages of love with one of them being discontent or being disenfranchised with the relationship, wondering if there is something better. That phase is followed by commitment according to that paradigm and I find myself feeling intensely about the person I've been seeing. It's an absolutely wonderful sensation.

Annoyance/boredom ; with the friends I kick it with, a few are wonderful and I will always enjoy but some exemplify "when keeping it real goes wrong"(to phrase it in the silliest way possible). Had a night tonight separate from my partner and just watched the superficial drama escalate(watched two friends get in an a aggressive argument about who was a more dedicated skateboarder..... Who give a fuck). Before it was tolerable, even if I recognized the ridiculousness of the conflict between friends. Now having someone to hang with who seems as detached as I am (just friend who seem to subsist on conflict and really have no drive to aim beyond their insecurity ) it's become almost intolerable. I'm sure it sounds simple and it is. It's just stupid drama between friends and associates. Not really anything I participate in but the people I know have introduced me to new experiences and changed my perspective in ways so in that way I can't help but be affectionate.

I love them in a family sense, we even all call each other by names; uncle Ashley, father grace, young Kyle I.e.;but having someone who is also detached from it I don't think I can participate anymore. I figure it sounds like the kind of people I should have passed on when I met them to most readers on the site but the way I've been shaped by friends and the things they've exposed me to has allowed me to understand a lot of things I wouldn't have growing up lower middle class in the suburbs ; from how tight knit some lower income communities are to the fact that every downtown music scene is basically the same in every city, just on different scales, how a fucked up childhood can create a motivated individual or someone is motivated but not at all enteraining the idea of doing anything that isn't exactly what the want. At least,maybe, I say that so it doesn't feel like a waste of time,wasting time like I have. I feel I genuinely bond with most people I meet in real life and I know that's a product of my experience with the people I know.

That whole rant leads back to love though. It's been nice to kick it with the person I have been. She doesn't "push" me but I feel so stable as a person being with her I have no option but to be productive because everything else feels empty, it did before to some extent but I have a base or solid point now to expand from.

Tl;dr I've been lampworking, reading, flossing and spinning poi.

Fake edit: drunkish post excuse improper grammar. Real edit: I'm a rambling man, tried to clear up the post but it feels pretty murky still.