Trust me, when it comes to potential issues in her relationship with her man, concerns and opinions have been (tactfully) aired from my side, and she has (to her credit) considered them. Your concerns may very well not be far from mine. It took me several years to say this to my friend, but I don't really like her partner. However, I care more about being there to listen to her and offer a sounding board than about whether I like his personality - so I keep an open mind and listen, and pitch in my advice when she wants it, and then I remind her of my own flaws and biases.

I'll be honest in that my parents don't have the kind of relationship I would want if I got married. Although I did pull from my own family life for references and examples regarding love, I think you manage to present a fuller picture of "long term/permanent love" and some of its nuances than I get to appreciate/look in on at home. My mom is both co-dependent and selfish, and once or twice has told my brother that my father "doesn't like confident women."

I don't think my parents are as good of a team as they could be because of the dichotomy of their relationship - my mom relies on/expects that my dad will take care of most things for her. However, that's the set-up that they probably knew they were getting into when they got married. It just may have gotten more pronounced and exaggerated as time passed. My mom once asked me if, should the need arise, I could take my dad to the hospital in the middle of the night so that she wouldn't have to - because she wanted to be able to get a good night's rest. To me, if my life partner was in the hospital with an emergency, not only would I want to be there with them - both as support and for information - but also, a good night's sleep would be impossible.

They don't sleep in the same bed most of the time.

Anyway so this isn't really meant to be about my parents. They've absolutely managed to stay together for like, 25 years, so that's something.

I do think that sometimes people change as they get older in ways you couldn't have expected or predicted and sometimes it can worsen or weaken the relationship and that's sad. For instance my dad has turned into a really cranky, short-tempered old man. He wasn't when they married or even 10 years ago, but now he is. But they're still together. They put up with each other's vagaries for sure. They provide each other company and I know my mother especially really likes/needs that.

And dad in his own way looks out for mom. Sometimes he takes us kids aside and reminds us to be nicer to her, even as he acknowledges how she can be annoying and aggravating.

Who's going to have an ideal relationship anyway 20 years down the road?

But I do hope, whatever I have, it doesn't go down quite the same path that they did.

I enjoy hearing your thoughts, insom. Keep 'em rambling. :) You have a lot more confidence in your s/o than I do in mine. I really think it's helpful to me so see your successful, happy relationship, at least from the back seat. :)