comment by forwardslash

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forwardslash · 4683 days ago · link · · parent · post: Ask Hubski: What's on you're bucket list?

Thanks! Well, I did say they were from her late father, so no I didn't ask him :P My mom was wanting me to ask her mother for her blessing but to be honest I don't like that tradition at all. I'm reminded of a scene from the first episode of Alias where Sydney's boyfriend calls her father to ask her for approval to marry her:

Danny: Sir, I love your daughter and I want to marry her. That's why I'm calling.

Jack: First of all, Danny, the truth is this is just a courtesy call. Like when you say to your neighbor, "We're having a loud party on Saturday night if that's all right with you." What you really mean is, "We're having a loud party on Saturday night."

Perhaps it's just my rebellion against my conservative background, but I want to separate myself as much as possible from traditions that imply that my fiancée is something to be given away. I know that asking them for their blessing isn't necessarily the same thing as asking permission to marry her, it's just something I'm weird about.

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thenewgreen · 4683 days ago · link ·

Well, I did say they were from her late father -I'm sorry forwardslash, I can't believe I missed that. I love the quote... "What you really mean is, "We're having a loud party on Saturday night." -So true. While I agree that I would have married my wife regardless of her fathers take, in my situation it had less to do with him giving approval and more to do with me setting him at ease. He and I were well acquainted and I essentially knew that he would be excited about the news. I had expected him to give a quick, "congratulations" but it ended up being about a 1 hour conversation. He asked me questions about my goals in life, if I wanted a family and how I planned to provide for that family. Then after I satisfied his questions, he said "congrats son" and slapped me on the back. It was a cool moment.

He didn't feel he was "giving her away" as much as he felt that he was saying to both her and I, "this guys good, he'll be a good partner for you, you have my thumbs up". Trust me, my wife belongs to no person. She is as independent and capable as human beings come.

As a father of a daughter, I would someday hope (and perhaps expect) that the man she choses to marry will extend me the same courtesy. I would likely ask him very similar questions that my father in law asked. Hopefully, like me and my father in law, we will have a close relationship.