No one wants to be used, and of course we “each have value beyond our value to each other.” I can see how my word “rehearsal” can make it seem that I am diminishing your intrinsic value. I’m glad you challenged me on that.

Please let me clarify my meaning. I consider people online to be real people and encounters like this to be real life. As in real life, I use every conflict as an opportunity to be thoughtful about which words I choose that will be effective. So to be more accurate, every written conversation is a rehearsal in the sense that I write, then delete, then rewrite, trying to get the words right – as I am doing here. (I've been working on this response for several days). In spoken life, there’s not so much of a chance to “rewrite.” I’m not always successful in either realm, but writing allows more contemplation.

All we have are your words and my words. The words have to stand up for themselves and work harder because on line we are not distracted by factors that arise in person. It is only our words that rub up against each other.

I know that online I have enjoyed the bite of sarcasm. I’ve enjoyed the silly ego-boosts of on-line recognition when I’ve beaten back a bully. I am conflicted about these small pleasures and perhaps they do more harm than good.