You need to read you some Dan Brown, my friend. The prose in The Martian was merely gimmicky and repetitive. - Dan Brown, Angels and Demons, first 2 paragraphs“Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh, and he knew it was his own. he stared up in terror at the dark figure looming over him. ‘What do you want!’ ‘La chiave,’ the raspy voice replied. ‘The password.’ ‘But… I don’t - ‘ The intruder pressed down again, grinding the white hot object deeper into Vetra’s chest. There was the hiss of broiling flesh.”
THERE IS NO BOOK THAT I HAVE LESS RESPECT FOR THAN THE DA VINCHI CODE. Dan Brown, you mastrubatory, overly done, inaccurate, uninteresting, shitty piece of shit. I mean, look at this shit . Why is everyone written so poorly? Why is Langdon such an annoying prick? Why do people like his books!? Do you have the answers, Klein? Because I don't, and I want, no, need to know why such overwrought garbage gets put on a poster at my bookstore. Justin Beiber? Fine. Transformers movies? You do you. The Star Wars prequels. GO FOR IT. But if you like Dan Brown novels, we're done.
Yes. yes I do. Have you noticed that lately, the hot stuff is either smut or "young adult" fiction? Sells like hotcakes, right? I mean, yeah, Girl with a Dragon Tattoo had everybody's attention after a fashion, kinda like Eat Pray Love, but not the way, say, Twilight did. Dan Brown is as popular as he is because he writes for 8th graders. And, unlike sparkly vampires or oversexed physically impossible BDSM sparkly vampire fanfic, Dan Brown includes men. Look - Robert Langdon is a world expert in "Symbology." Not "semiotics" or "linguistics" or anything else that might actually represent reality, but "Symbology." And he takes his made-up Boris & Natasha-grade capers and weaves Jesus through them. So maybe, if the Left Behind series was a little too jesus-ey for you (or if you just couldn't stomach an antichrist named, I shit you not, "Nicolae Carpathia"), Dan Brown lets you question the teachings of your faith without questioning your faith itself. So you've got drama, philosophy, action, and this super-bitchin' disclaimer that says some shit like "the Illuminati are, like, real." Wowsers! For people who think James Bond is an accurate reflection of modern espionage, Robert Langdon is a straight-up modern-day Warrior Poet. Here's the part that tickles me pink: Dan Brown read a book called "The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail." The writers, batshit bullshitters if ever there were any, argued that the Knights Templar had stolen away Jesus' daughter or some shit and had all this whackadoo crap about meridians in it. Dan Brown took all this stuff and turned it into The Davinci Code. Then DVC blows up right and huge and the whackadoos sue Random House for infringement. Dan Brown says "my book is fiction, their book is fact" and they come back with "our book is fiction, too, we just pretended it was fact" and because of pretending their whackadoo shit was fact, they lose. So. A book claiming all this whackadoo shit was real? Fringe material. A book claiming that all this whackadoo shit might be real and aren't you edgy and literate? Especially compared to Cousin Verna. I mean, chemtrails are clearly bullshit but Jesus having kids? Why I might be one! And aren't I clever? I can follow along with the adventures of Robert Langdon, world-famous "symbologist." ________________ Bonus points for linking to David Rees of Get Your War On fame.Do you have the answers, Klein?
Watching the Da Vinci Code movie with most of my crypto class was the most fun I've ever had at a movie. Also the only time I've been thrown out of a theater. I'd never watch it again without a similar crowd, and you couldn't pay me to read the book, but that one time I throughly enjoyed the Da Vinci Code.
I wrote a really hard sci fi short film for my best buddy from high school. Shortly before its debut at a film festival we watched Michael Bay's "The Island" purely for the director's commentary. We needed to unwind. The movie? No idea. But Michael Bay defending the movie? Comedy gold.
Because his chapter breaks are in the middle of what should be chapters it is the old Scheherazade trick. Keep the idiots in suspense.