sorry, i've been significantly editing my post, and hit submit just before i got this notification. not sure how much it's changed since you started writing
Yes, I was really wondering about this. I read Hell and Back by Kira Salak (apparently a National Geographic classic) and became quite nervous about the loss of control. However, what surprised me in the narrative was that Salak was determined to "go back" after a "bad trip" and wanted to revisit what she was experiencing. She wasn't necessarily scared of it, just a little embarrassed around strangers. What have you learned from your "bad trips"? Here is an excerpt from the Nixon review re: "bad trips":A lot of people worry about having a "bad trips" going into a psychedelic experience, but in my opinion, "bad trips" are the best trips. They force you to spend a lot of time self-analyzing and breaking down yourself and your problems. Some of the best decisions of my life have come out of "bad trips". People who just dip their toes and avoid the stressful experience in favor of some pretty colors are missing out.
Unlike with LSD, there are said to be no ʻbad tripsʼ with Ayahuasca.
Shanon admits he interviewed no one who drank the turbid brew but once, which would surely be the result if anyone ʻfreaked outʼ or was just turned off by the whole experience. The nausea, gastritis, and vomiting, emphasized in other first person accounts, may be enough to cause one to avoid the substance next time, but actual ʻmind-blowingʼ has not been reported, to my knowledge. Shanon makes it clear that when faced with a personal crisis under the intoxication one must soldier on, dealing with fear and related negative emotions in as grounded and unperturbed manner as possible. Still, crises occur: ʻQuite commonly,ʼ he states matter-of-factly, ʻpeople feel that they are about to dieʼ (p. 57). Elsewhere he notes that a mental breakdown is real possibility. Yet not in Antipodes or anything else I have read to do with Ayahuasca experiences is such a breakdown recorded. Is it bad-trip free?
so, in reply to both of your comments: i'm an athiest and not a spiritual person, so i don't think of tripping as spiritual, though i understand that's a common framework in which to approach the experience. it was always clearly a drug-based experience to me, not spiritual in any way. i see psychedelics as chemical tools to create cathartic/epiphanic mental situations that enable me to resolve certain kinds of problems. psilocin in particular has been the most useful one in the toolbox. for me, the core of the experience is the disruption of self that comes at peak, the dismantling of concepts as i approach the peak, and the clarity afterwards. everything outside of that is just flavoring. maybe someone who enjoys these things more recreationally would disagree. no trip is "bad", it's either more or less intense, and you can appreciate it or not. it will be colored by your thoughts and emotional state. you will dismantle yourself. the things that weigh on your mind most heavily will be the focus of attention. you can either find value in examining your contradictions, or hate the revelation of your hypocrisy. but there's always something to learn, and the most stressful trips have the most important lessons to teach. this might just be my weird perspective. i'm pretty masochistic, overanalytical, have tendency toward detachment and dissociation, and i'm capable of looking back on some straight hellish experiences with an eye for the benefits. maybe most people can't do that. actions inspired wholly or in part by my trips: seeking help for medical problems i'd been ignoring, coming out to my family, ending a relationship that had gone on too long, entering the most important relationship of my life, ending my drug addiction, and some more important things that i won't write here. ending my drug addiction required abstinence from all drugs, including psychedelics, so i've sort of moved past all this. it was a useful tool for a while but eventually i reached a point where i had to leave it behind.