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comment by beezneez
beezneez  ·  3875 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: How do you cope with big changes in your life?

In your situation, LAY DOWN CONSTRAINTS.

Do so early, and be generous. If it takes a while to figure out what your constraints are, be sure to mention them as they come up. I've lived in both party houses and highly-regimented 2 bedroom apartment agreements, and have discovered that the more active you are in the household, the more reciprocity you'll enjoy. Do not regret to do the dishes for any of your companions, and do not be afraid of using it as a bargaining chip along the road! That way, you'll find those that are true to your efforts.

The reason I say this is: because it is way too easy for yourself and roommates alike to be lazy and to not spelunk into the cavern of each other's personalities, it is better to be like-minded, preferably on clean, solid ground, for the betterment of each other and others (i.e. guests). Personally, I prefer to live alone.

Good luck to you OP. It will be a big change but you sound like a college freshman. :)





haxcloud  ·  3875 days ago  ·  link  ·  

We actually had a sit-down on things we should watch out for, but I expect there's still a lot of surprises down the road for both of us. My only worry is if we didn't catch all of the big ones.

You mention reciprocity. I understand that people tend to discount the efforts of others when it comes to doing shared responsibilities like washing the dishes. How can I avoid this? I don't want to get into a fight just 'cause we refuse to recognise each other's efforts and I know thinking rationally becomes more and more difficult to do the more tired you get (whether from school or just life in general). From what I hear, tallying chores is one of the more common points of contention between couples and I still haven't found an acceptable solution to that problem.

Erm, about that last point...I'm two years into a five-year course and I've transferred dorms more times than I can count. It's just that this would be my first taste of more freedom and more leeway than what in-campus dorms usually allow.