I was a very atheistic person, tryting to be absolutely logical and rational. I used to read lots of books on it though, like J Krishnamurthy and Osho and so on. Then once I did mushrooms and had an ego death but didnt really understand what happened. Then after some time, Im not sure how but I was watching a movie and it really clicked for me, esp because of the character in the movie, about how life is more than about being cold and rational and along with that, in a few weeks, lots of huge changes happened in my life all at the same time, like relationship problems and leaving college and such which really sealed it for me and I was walking around like I was enlightened for a long time. I did mushrooms again and had the ego death again and understood what was going on a lot. I turn off the spiritual feeling alot, when I have to be get work done and such. It helps to feel ambitious and cold then. And routines really affect it sometimes and being around people that make you miserable sometimes makes you forget it, that you can be happy all the time and your happines is all in your own hands. But yes, I can turn it on too, its like something I can access when ever I need it. And I find that helping others make me feel it stronger. Its when I feel jealousy and envy that I really need it though. It helps me pass over those feelings without getting caught in it. Its like spirituality is a tool I can use and access whenever I need. The biggest change is the feeling of love and compassion. Im not sure if its becaue Im used to being really cold or something but I find romantic love and compassion coming to the same thing and compassion is something I enjoy more now. And all the religions make sense, compassion isnt something thats considered good because it helps everyone as a whole or takes us to heaven but because its good of us. It makes us stronger spiritually. Even when Im feeling my worst and disconnected, I just have to do something to help others or try to be compassionate to get back to where I was, happy and blissful. So in a sense, Im being selfish when being compassionate but Im not doing it for some imaginary man in the sky. Every now and then something still clicks for me though. Its easier understanding stuff now because I just need to focus on what makes me feel the spiritual energy stronger to know what works and what doesnt. Im finding out that religions or superstitions or god or a little belief in magic of somekind is actually good for us. It doesnt have to be god, but it has to be sacred. Im not sure yet but I think its the sacredness that really gets to us.
Hi Tony -- thanks for writing about your feelings of spirituality and trying to define it. You seem to be saying that being "cold" and "rational" and "atheistic" feels opposite to being "spiritual." I hadn't thought of the question that way. Also I never considered spiritual feelings as something you can turn off or access when needed. Can you give me a specific example of either turning it on or off. You can also send a private message using hubski.
When I was talking about the imaginary man in the sky, I was mentioning that I do the things only for me and not because god is watching my deeds. Im not against god in any way though. I wouldnt say being atheistic is bad but I feel that having god can help and give strength to my spirituality. It doesnt have to be god either, I can be non religious stuff too or even places or rituals. I would say having something that is sacred to you is what matters and not god. Im not sure if sacred is the right word but thats what I use. Like ButterflyEffect mentions that cemeteries make him feel spiritual and I think its because of the weight he gives to those places, the sacredness of it, that helps. It can be rituals that you have been following for a lifetime and those can be sacred to you. Ive read about martial artists that have these kinds of rituals who say it helps them tap into their spiritual feelings. It can be places too. That is something that clicked about religions for me. Consider a church, it uses all of these ideas, of a god, sacred important rituals and a sacred place all together at the same time. Thats how I guess it works with people's spirituality and in this way I see things in religions that takes me back to it now even though I was atheistic for sometime. But god isnt the biggest factor there but other stuff like this. I am generally guided by the feeling of wholeness in spirituality but sometimes Ive to turn it off and work against the general ideas of my spirituality. For example, when I have to get some studying done, tuning in to my ego which I usually subdue and being an ambitious bastard really helps. Its like using a painkiller when we are in pain which isnt very natural but is ok as long as we dont end up addicted to it. I said I was turning off my spirituality because subduing the ego is a big part but here Im not doing that. My expression wasnt very accurate and Its more like Im using the ego within the framework of my spirituality. Part of it is having the concept of wholeness guide me but its turned off then, Im not caring about that in those points of time. It may seem vague when Im trying to say these stuff and I understand what happens with religions. Something I think is, if we understand life really close, being alive has everything in itself to make us blissful but we also need rationality and ego to keep ourself alive which we get caught up in and gets in the way. Its like babies are born with that kind of bliss and they learn to use the ego and the rational mind and get caught up in it and then we slowly learn to get closer to life but while keeping our ego. That reminds me so much of the story of adam who was born into the garden of eden or state of eternal bliss and then lost it when he discovered the ego and has to find his way back to it and is supposed to do it by following his spirituality. And hence the idea of rationality as against spirituality. I wouldnt say against because we require it and its very much a part of my spiritual ideas but it can be detrimental if we arent careful. It was my rationality that helped me find the spirituality within me and it definitely isnt against it. The end point requires that I be devoid of logic and also my ego. I have to be rational when moving towards that.To condemn logic and the ego and to bring about the bliss is something I can do but that would be premature and isnt wholesome.