When do I feel alive, and when do I feel present? I feel like these are so similar that I can't separate them, and yet I would use them to describe different situations. When I am performing, playing music, I am present. Every fibre of my being is in the moment, focused on the experience, focused on the music, focused on the emotional experience (except for maybe a few thoughts towards the bar afterwards!). The feeling of being truly present in that moment is like nothing else I have ever felt, and is one of the reasons I keep on doing what I do. I only have snippets of memories of the times I have truly felt alive, that manic happiness and oneness with the world. Images of hanging my head out of the window of a car driving down rural highway as my friend drives me home, or being on a trip with a summer orchestra and playing in an open theatre (Tchaik 4 ), or feeling the gravel in my toes on a beach in the Atlantic Ocean.