So was I. Young parents, first and only child, poor, the works. Without getting too personal, I think my parents did a lot of things wrong. I don't enjoy being with them and I don't enjoy family gatherings, and I think that's a signal that there was something wrong. On the other hand, I'm an adult, and I know a lot of people my age that aren't. And I've always wondered exactly how much of that is internal and how much is external (from them). And I've further wondered if it's actually possible to balance your parenting so that your children grow up independent and intelligent without losing their respect and love. It's got to be. I hope and think it is. I also do not think I will have children until I'm at least 30. On one side is the chance to still be young when your kids are relatively grown, and on the other is not fucking everything up through life inexperience. I don't know. That's the short version.I was raised that no matter what, don't involve grownups. I had a place to sleep and there was food in the fridge but everything else was pretty much fend for yourself. Which was actually preferable to "family functions" where I mostly wished I was alone. So my "parenting" was an ad-hoc self-run tutorial.
I hope and think so too, but I also think a big part of striking that balance is basically 3rd party influence. It seems to me that it's much easier to get partway to basically teaching a child responsibility (but not so far along that they start to resent you) and then hand it off to a really good teacher. In my personal experience, that happened because my friends sold me on a summer camp directed by a somewhat crotchety old man who taught me about work and its values, but I'm sure there's other ways for kids or parents to seek out great teachers.And I've always wondered exactly how much of that is internal and how much is external (from them). And I've further wondered if it's actually possible to balance your parenting so that your children grow up independent and intelligent without losing their respect and love. It's got to be. I hope and think it is.