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_refugee_  ·  264 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Why American men are getting less marriageable

On an interpersonal level...I don't think there is a such thing as "fair" in relationships, not the way you're quantifying it. Really a good relationship is one in which both partners are happy with everything the other brings to the table. So long as those two are happy, I kind of feel like it's not on me to judge (much). It might not be the kind of relationship that's right for me, and I'd certain say that if I was talking about it, but if the people are healthy and happy then being in it...it's kind of up to them.

There are some people - probably more than some people - that don't want balanced relationships. There are people who want to be the head of the household or are happy being house-spouses. There are way more extreme cases of that spectrum, too.

And again...it's up to each person to decide what's important and how it is to them.

Dating is/should be all about preference. What do you prefer in a partner? What do you like? What makes you feel confident about that person as a partner? To me, having a stable living situation and health insurance is ... well, the first is mandatory and the second strongly preferred but not a make-or-break.

I don't think these qualities can all be ranked linearly...but I think a given person can kind of rank them in bands. For instance, in my "most important" band, I have: having a job, having a stable living situation, be in reasonable physical shape, live their life on about the same sort of schedule I do (I'm a morning person who works 7 a - 5ish; I go to bed at 9. Someone who likes being out til two - that's not going to work for me long term), turn me on, be pretty intelligent, pro-choice, pro-tattoos, like cats. I could go on. And that's just my top tier.

Bottom tier stuff I don't care so much about: whether you like exactly the same bands i like. what you dress like so long as you look reasonably clean etc. what your job is (much more important to just have a job and a good one). whether or not you went to college, whether or not you graduated. if your dick is circumsized. how you put toilet paper on the roll. whether you're close with your family or not. etc etc.

Some people are gonna care about what I don't. And some people aren't going to care about what I do. It's not about fair, it's about what's right for you.

I tend to make more money than the guys I date. I'm used to it/kind of assume it's the case most of the time. I try not to talk about money. I try to split dates (I think that's fair). It's interesting to see when people bring money up and how. it can tell you a lot about a person