I'm 26 now. It's not that I'm feeling old, it's more or less, I'm feeling irresponsible with what I'm doing with my life. Maybe that's not it. In reaction, I've been more... playful? The other day I was walking down a street of puddles because it's been a warm spike in Montreal. I decided to leap over the puddles instead of walking around them, splashing into them and getting my pants wet. More humming. More wordplay, unrestrained. Giving greater weight to what I feel like doing, over what is expected of me.

Kind of embarrassing, but I connected with someone after a few years of losing friends and being out of college. By connected, I meant I did the intimacy equivalent of 'hooking up'. More or less, I felt truly comfortable around someone, and by extension, I felt, physically attractive? I've hooked up a few times, but those never made me feel wanted, actually wanted. This made me realize that I had rich inner world inside my head- and that I shouldn't be ashamed of it.

It's been three dates, but I messed up last weekend and it's been a huge damper on my mood this week. I made the mistake of asking if she wanted to do the 36 questions game, the one to make people fall in love with each other, and that definitely came off as, 'uh, do you want to fall in love with each other'? It's awkward now. At the age of 26, I'm still learning why it's called a 'crush'.