So I went through the exact same self-righteous scorn and dudgeon, and I didn't like the way it felt. Because I've never felt that scorn before, so I decided to figure out why I felt it. I ended up rejecting it out of hand. Let's see if you follow the same dots.

The behavior described isn't horrible, it's victimless. I mean, the most victimized person in the discussion is me, and the limits of my victimization stretch all the way to "a bad, overpriced cup of coffee." Considering the mental exercise I got out of it, it was a bargain.

The guys on the fixies? They aren't hurting you in the slightest. If that's what they want to spend their time and money on? Let 'em. More than that, I've had fixie conversations with fixie riders while riding something that wasn't a fixie and half the time, the conversation goes great until they say something that breaks the spell and I realize they're idiots and then they stop talking to me. I have every expectation that were I to go back to that coffee shop and go "ZOMG I saw this thing at Maker Faire in 2013 and it's so cool to see it in person tell me about its awesomeness" they'd wax poetic for 20 minutes in between serving up artfully leafed macchiatos to people who are genuinely thankful to drink battery acid. As it was, I could barely contain my eye roll and still, they politely tried to sell me pastry. Giant palmiers? We can talk about giant palmiers. It's a safe middle ground.

I think nothing is lost because while you and I can talk coffee and cars, neither you nor I can appreciatively, respectfully discuss a $12k pourover machine with someone who genuinely thinks it's adding to the world. OF COURSE they're going to be cloistered and unapproachable; we're infidels that aren't ready for the One True Church.

I actually ended up there with the contemporary art scene. You know what? It's fuckin' spectacular that rich people buy and sell busts made out of frozen blood. They could be buying and selling politicians or Thai children but instead they've deliberately chosen to swap dots on paper for gajillions of dollars. If that's what they want to do with their money, fine. For every Jeff Koons in a private collection there's one less Jeff Koons I'm likely to see in a museum.

The Serrano is a special case; nobody really gives a fuck about it other than the fact that $5k of public money went to it, which went all the way to congress, which is pretty crazy stupid but I mean shit, I'd rather see $5k spent on a crucifix dipped in urine than $5B spent on the F-35 but let's get real, that plane is gonna cost us $1.5T so really, $5k is like a paint chip. I mean, so long as we're talking affronts to public good and all.

Really, if you want to look knowledgeable while slagging on contemporary art, focus on Tracy Emin. But remember - good artists borrow, great artists steal.

(ctrl-F "eno" on that wikipedia page; you won't be disappointed)