First, if we haven't talked about defensive pessimism yet, we need to, because it's the shit. I first heard about it while listening to NPR and my jaw dropped as the discussion went on because of just how deeply I realized I related to the behavior. And you, you probably do too. Sounds a bit better than 'catastrophic' prediction however (at least in verbiage).

I do see value in long-term optimism because sometimes, the most important thing to remember is that eventually, things are going to be okay. You might not be able to see the end of it, but you need to believe it's there. The "It Gets Better" series is an excellent example of this, I think.

The audience of this series are teens and young kids who are grappling with their sexuality and orientation. Often, they are bullied. None of them, for the most part, have actually seen it get better. They have no context in life to believe that it does get better. Right now, they're in hells. They need to be told it gets better because yeah, it really does. The advice may sound like foolish optimism to them until they watch a video, several videos, all the "It Gets Better" videos. Providing real-life examples, over and over again, of how eventually it does get better, helps provide proof that it isn't just illogical optimism and that other people have been where they are and it's improved.

But at the end of the day, "it gets better" is still 100% optimism. Some gay kids kill themselves before they hit their teens. It doesn't get better for them.

Optimism keeps people going. I think depressed and other mentally complicated folks are very sensitive, however, to the line between "reasonable optimism" and "unreasonable optimism." For instance, the guy I was seeing kept telling me that "2015 was going to be my year and he could just feel it." Or he'd tell me I'd absolutely, for sure have my poems accepted when I submitted them.

I find that kind of optimism harmful because it's not based in any kind of realistic expectations. It was based purely in faith and belief in me - but without even the context of regularly reading and appreciating poetry. I find that personally, when I listen to this kind of optimism, it generally sets me up to believe I'm going to get something or even that I deserve something, when there's no reason to believe that. Inevitably, when I don't receive what I expected, I experience a horrible sensation my friends used to call "hope-lash." It's like whiplash, but with hope - it's the feeling that happens after you get so excited and built up and ready for something to happen in your life, and then - it doesn't. It's an awful feeling. I avoid it, which is one of the reasons I employ defensive pessimism.

I tend to stop trusting the opinions of people who consistently display unreasonable optimism because their opinions tend to be grounded in feelings as opposed to facts. Someone who is convinced my poem should be accepted and is enraged when it isn't doesn't understand the poetry market. It doesn't help me to have someone like that in my life, honestly - poetry rejections shouldn't elicit outrage. They happen far too often for them to be worth much emotional reaction, even though - yes - they can still be disappointing.

I also spend a lot of time about the worst possible outcome and how I would handle it. Unfortunately usually for me that means I think a lot about how I could die or grievously injure myself in the next 30 seconds. It's not always a comfortable mental space and I sometimes wonder "What is wrong with me?" that I am preoccupied with these images. I agree that considering the worst possible outcome can make you more prepared, for instance if you are going camping, pack for the worst. I have lots of flashlights and med kids because I prepare for the worst. Unfortunately, as I said, I also sit around and think about how whatever I'm doing is going to land me in the hospital or near death. NOT FUN THOUGHTS. NOT RECOMMENDED.

Reasonable optimism is good. Unreasonable optimism, to folks like you or me, is not helpful and because we find it unhelpful we begin to dismiss the people around us who exhibit it. Unreasonable optimism is "I'm going to get a graphic design job when I haven't done graphic design in 3 years and don't have a portfolio or good resume!" Unreasonable optimism gets you nowhere. I find it worse than spinning wheels. I consider it backwards movement as you begin to rely on "your feelings" instead of "the facts, ma'am."

But I consider long-term optimism essential because I think that believing it will get better, eventually, in the long run, at a time you can't foresee now but do believe will happen, is what helps get a lot of people through depression, suicidal urges, and so on. I think this ties into the fact that setting goals or booking future events which you're looking forward to helps deal with day-to-day depression. If you have the optimism to believe you'll be alive in 3 months and so you book a concert, you then have that concert to look forward to every day for the next 3 months, no matter how often things feel so bad that you think about killing yourself. You need to have the optimism to believe that the future will be worthwhile in order to keep going, every day. Sometimes, you will never have experienced the "worthwhile," or it will feel like you haven't. And you need to have the optimism to believe that it's there even when your personal experience is screaming like hell that it isn't.

One of my long-term realistic optimisms is that I will find someone out there who is so right, so perfect for me, that we will stay together, and the relationship will be happy and healthy, and we'll get married. And that somehow i'll know it when I see it. I have no prior experience that says that this will happen. I just have to believe it will. And the thing is, I feel like anecdotes and statistics back me up enough that I can believe in it. In the meantime I do things to try and be better at relationships, to improve my chances of this succeeding when I do meet that person. I read John Gottman's articles and advice. I try to consider my behavior and modify it. It's optimism that I'll marry someone, but while it's optimism, I do everything I can to help it come true.

It's optimism (it's WAAAAY optimism) that I'll ever be a well-known poet, but I'll do everything I can to help make it true.

For the record, a long time ago, I was there, at that "long term we all die so what does it matter if I live or die I should just kill myself" place that you're talking about. "What's the point because we're all dust in the end?" I felt I had to justify my existence, be GREAT, or else just resign myself to being nothing and dying, because what was the point? I wouldn't be remembered. I put myself under incredible pressure to "achieve" and the thing was, I'd never be good enough to satisfy those standards and 'justify' my existence. I felt like, you know, that stupid old question, "is it the journey or the destination that matter?" and my answer was "Yo, 100% destination." If you aren't going anywhere why does it matter what path you take?

For the record, I have observed, there's nothing to keep you from being self-destructive like being surrounded by people who know you and love you and care about you. They notice the small things and they don't let you get away with shit. "Fear of getting caught/not worth getting caught" has certainly prevented me from treating myself badly when i wanted to. Also, "dealing with other people's opinions." In the short term it makes you resentful. That's why people with depression and other mental disorders push their friends and family away, I think, or at least part of it. Certainly those whose disorders cause visible damage or impacts to their bodies, routines, etc - OCD, anorexia, self-harm, bulimia, drug abuse, as you mentioned suicide and so on. These people hold you accountable to a certain amount of mental health and in the moment it seems irritating, constraining, and so on. All you want to do is indulge your disorder and you just can't because you know someone will see, and notice, and try and stop you.

But in the long term, this accountability, care, and love? This is good. It's not enough to stop someone who's determined or committed but I think it can help one to stay on the right path. Embrace your family for loving you enough to help keep you from yourself.

It is enough just to exist. I now say, 50% journey, 50% destination. (Because I still need that practicality and logic I see you need; I still need to feel like there is a point, an end-game.)

Let's talk. I hope this helps.