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Fair enough. In terms of lives as bargaining chips: I'm not espousing this idea. Rather, I think "do both of us want kids" should be one of the few fundamental questions discussed by anybody looking to enter into a long term state sanctioned relationship. If you don't bother to establish that before jumping into the soup, there are probably plenty of issues that could very well scuttle the relationship before kids ever enter the equation. Hence, lives-as-bargaining-chips shouldn't ever be part of a successful partnership. Doesn't really fall under the "give and take" category. If you didn't agree to it in initial discussion, maybe that relationship isn't for you. If you never discussed it before entering the relationship, ditto.