5 years ago I was diagnosed with severe anxiety - through medication (no longer required) therapy (only as needed) and a lot of support, I now make it through weeks and months without being overly anxious. Certain things crop up and I sometimes have a small relapse but usually I would be considered a normal functioning person who frets a lot more than necessary.
Last week, after moving in with my partner and doing most of the work myself as she is recovering from shingles, losing my grandfather and speaking at his funeral, cancelling a big trip we had planned for a year, losing a good friends father, going through three different faulty washing machines in the new house - just a whole assortment of shit things that on their own, I could handle but together would have me stressed to the nines.. I was ready for the wave of anxiety to hit. On top of my actual stressful job!
But it hasn't. I was walking to work via my new commute (through the local botanical gardens), the sun was shining, I was listening to some music and I felt absolutely normal. There was nothing gnawing at me, nothing worrying me, I walked past people and didn't worry if I looked strange or if my headphones were blaring music too loudly, or if my fly was undone, or any number of things I suddenly stress about - I was just enjoying a walk to my office.
It was a really normal walk from the outside but inside my mind was very, very comfortable for the first time in literal years. It was actually a strange feeling. I'm so used to just handling this intense flow of thoughts and emotions, and I'd gotten pretty good at it, that the mundane notion of having nothing in my mind was actually such a lovely feeling.
That weekend I took my nephew for a walk through the same commute - https://imgur.com/a/wBecqAf
I put 25% of my body weight on my left leg. It's not even a fair enough portion of my weight to stand on two legs without crutches, but it's been three months since I've put any weight on it. I was overwhelmed.
I miss walking Hubski. I miss feeling like an adult and being able to provide for myself. I got a small taste of my life as my life again. I cried a bit on the ride home, and all I had to do was stop cocking my hip and shift my weight slightly to the left.
A driver in WA state using his/her turning signal.
Oh man, why didn't you tell me?? We can write each other letters! And give each other book recommendations! And share essays and poetry and silly stories!
Easy way out: text me and let's exchange writing / reading recommendations
Fun way out: Hubski writer's club?