a thoughtful web.
Share good ideas and conversation.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by steve
steve  ·  1142 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Why No One Answers Their Phone Anymore: Telephone culture is disappearing.

    To call out of the blue assumes that their desire for immediate gratification is more important than my time, sort of like the spam calls.

This is so interesting to me. For a time, I used to think Text Messaging was rude for the same reason.

Times have changed, times are changing... people don't even bother with voicemail anymore.

WanderingEng  ·  1142 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I don't see text messages the same way because I can see the content before replying. With a call, I don't know if its value exceeds my time until I answer, and then decorum doesn't let me hang up.

steve  ·  1142 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I used to see texts in this way... I don't now.

back in the 90s (maybe earlier), Covey taught in one of his books about this matrix... if I remember right, Covey-ites wouldn't answer the phone because it fell into Q4 because it was not urgent (to the receiver) and of unknown importance.

Now, I just ignore my phone a lot.

katakowsj  ·  1141 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I thank you for your Quadrant 4 contribution. :)

katakowsj  ·  1141 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Seriously though, the Covey chart is so simple and effective, I only wish that others around me would abide by it better.

I can remember hanging out with a friend, as we were just starting our careers, that felt compelled to answer his phone no matter what was going on. We’d be driving somewhere, he’d have his phone on vibrate, we’re in the middle of a conversation and he’d pick up his phone and start talking. Didn’t even give me a, “Hey man, I’ve gotta call coming in and I’ve gotta take it...”

Man, that ticked me off.

I done see this phone etiquette stuff as the root issue. More of a basic consideration of other people thing. Something that I find myself continually reinforcing to my kids. I can see that I’ll use the chart with them at some point as the learn to prioritize their connections with other people.

Thanks for sharing.

tacocat  ·  1142 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If someone I know calls I automatically think it's important enough to interrupt whatever I'm doing.

steve  ·  1142 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I honestly just think it's the normal evolution of etiquette and societal norms. My grandmother? She answered every call always... that trickled to my mother and me... now? Tech has completely changed in my lifetime, and yah - I screen the crap out of whoever is calling. My kids and their friends don't actually use their phones to speak - they only answer my calls because I'm old fashioned and I ask them to do so.

tacocat  ·  1141 days ago  ·  link  ·  

After some thought, I will make sure someone wants to talk with a text first but it depends on context. If it's a girl I've been chatting with through text and we haven't met, I definitely will prearrange to speak on the phone. If I wanted to talk to a friend of mine right now I wouldn't hesitate to just call.

Texting is nice for certain things but it can be incredibly bad when you need to convey information that might require some actual real time interaction for one reason or another. My mom is like sixty and if I need to tell her something and have to rely on texts it's painful if I can't have her immediately respond to ask questions or whatever other benefits there are to speech.

Texts can be misinterpreted too if the reader projects a tone onto the words that wasn't intended. I can be really terse and it's efficient for typing on a tiny keyboard with my thumbs but people sometimes think I'm being a pithy asshole.

Both have their place. I prefer texting friends as a general rule but I wouldn't say it's rude to make your phone ring. I'm a big boy. You can hit the fuck you button if you want