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comment by oyster
oyster  ·  11 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Paralyzed.

I’m not going to pretend to know what she’s thinking, but normally when a girl starts making her plans on her own/telling you she won’t force you to be apart of it it’s just because she needs to start thinking about those things and you’ve made it clear you don’t want what she wants. It would be like preplanning a funeral or suggesting an elderly person write a will, it’s just stuff you have to do. She’s already 6 weeks in, it sounds like she’s not down with an abortion for whatever reason so she’s looking at what type of support single mothers have and how she can make it work. She’s counting you out because she doesn’t want to be the girl who trapped a guy, or forced a guy into fatherhood. Those women are given a lot of grief whether they deserve it or not and most women put a lot of effort into staying free of negative female stereotypes. Seriously, the effort we all put into not being that girl is ridiculous.

I know it’s easier to push her away by making her the selfish villain in this case but you will only end up shooting yourself in the foot with that kind of thinking.




Cumol  ·  10 days ago  ·  link  ·  

We didn't have an earlier chance to find out she is pregnant, which is why she is in the 6th week. As described, you have to go through a procedure before you get an abortion and that will take 2-3 weeks...

It is hard for me to accept that he decision is not rational. What changed? We used contraceptives, we took the pill after, all of those measures to not make a pregnancy happen. And then it did, what is different? We both still don't want children, why is she going for it?

This is what I am trying to understand

oyster  ·  10 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I personally don’t want a child now, but I’m not pregnant. I’ve got a friend who’s now-ex told him when they started having sex that she would be fine with an abortion, I laughed and said that was stupid. Anybody who claims they know what they would do in a situation they’ve never been in lacks self-awareness.

Preventing pregnancy is different from terminating pregnancy. She is living every second of every day knowing something is inside of her that could become a person. I’m guessing emotions aren’t your strong point, but have you ever lost somebody ? And then thought at a later date what they would be like now ? Or what holidays would be like with them ?

She’s 6 weeks and she can’t exactly pause things. There is a human growing inside her and she needs to deal with that. You might feel like she’s moving forward without you and that’s because she probably is. What you’re wrong about is that it has anything to do with how she feels towards you. It has to do with how there is a human growing inside her and she needs to deal with that. Do you enjoy winging life ? Do you like to not know which direction your life is going ? Now try and picture how much you would hate doing that with a human growing inside you. Too add, all of this is perfectly rational. Her life took a turn, she has considered her option, she’s even spoken to friends to see what type of support she would receive and if it would work. You’re both being emotional about this, her emotions not aligning with yours doesn’t make them irrational.