I reconnected with an old friend from my summer camp days a few months ago because I had hoped that they had grown out of the habits that distanced me from them in the first place (being self-centered, lying straight to my face, etc). After several months of the same shit, I've decided I want to end the friendship. Specifically, they pussy-footed around my offers to fly them out during our academic breaks so we could hang out and catch up with totally valid excuses about finances and possible family trips. I found out via some sleuthing that they ditched me for someone else they wanted to reconnect with romantically. This is actually the second time they've done this in the period we've known each other.
It's hard on me because this is approximately 8 years of friendship in which they called me one of their best friends and being super tight and affectionate but obviously the way they are treating me is clearly indicative of how they don't value my time or opinion at all. I've already blocked them on all social media and we don't really interact otherwise because of distance. I left the option for them to text me open because I want them to know why this happened.
I think I'm mostly venting but I also feel like the wise folx of hubski have similar stories they can share to help me ease the hurt...
Whenever a friend of mine goes through a breakup of some kind, there really is only one way to sum it up: "That fucking blows." I get it. How could this person, who you've shared so much of your most intimate thoughts and feelings with, just disrespect you like that? Do they not feel the same way about you as you feel about them? The answer to that question can be very scary. Nobody likes rejection in any form. What is important right now is to ground yourself. It is tempting to get caught up in that miserable cycle of "what if" - and sometimes, you will - but hang on to the moment. Your first priority is YOU. It's easy to be vindictive, place blame, be angry. While these can help to cope, they will only damage you in the long run. Recognizing that they are mistreating you is a great first step, and important to remember. Seriously, pat yourself on the back for that self-respect, and keep taking healthy steps forward. My best friend in high school was like this. I adored her, and let me tell you, I am not one to adore people. I would have done anything for her. Sometimes, I did. Then, turns out she trying to get my boyfriend at the time to break up with me and date her. It took me a solid five or six months to actually accept that her behaviour was not okay. We don't talk anymore. I never did really tell her why; I don't think it would have helped. Looking back, she was set in her ways, and I think it would have hurt more to try and fail to fix things with her. Sometimes, we love the idea of people. We have an expectation about who they should be. And that's where the problems start. It is hard to just move on, because there are so many things that make up "moving on." Acceptance. Time. Rehashing it in your head over and over. You are mourning a friendship. Friends help build and shape our identity. Be thankful for all that you have learned, even though you've outgrown them. Everything will be okay.