Finally took the SAT's, and I'm glad it's out of the way. I think I did well, I'll get results next week, but I surprisingly butchered the essay portion. I've never once had trouble with the essay, but I got caught up in the introduction and wasted time (only given 25 mins.) The essay topic was about loyalty, but I felt betrayed. I'll be taking it again in March for good measure, so this checkbox will not be crossed off yet. To counter the fact that I have absolutely and completely stopped working out, and that I need school sports team participation for West Point, and that I'm mildly muscular but cardiovascularly pitiful, I've decided to join my school's spring track & field team. For now it seems like it's gonna be a good solution to my exercise resolution. I'm a decent runner so if I kick ass I'll get a varsity letter a year early, which would be nice. In regards to the sticky icky, I've put the pipe down for now. I don't necessarily feel "better" about this, cause the sticky icky happens to feel great. in addition, I've experienced the really bad nightmares that some people have reported following immediate quitting after smoking for some time. That bit sucked, as I don't ever get nightmares, really; this shit was bad. Anyway, it's possible that I'm just not smoking much because I haven't come across it much recently, but I've been proactive in keeping myself away from it. In general, I'm making progress, which is fine by me as long as it's moving along. Honestly though, the only thing I really want is just to cuddle into a blanket of eternal nap time.
I have definitely heard, and sometimes experienced, that your dreams will become much more vivid after quitting (temporarily or permanently). It may also be harder to get to sleep. I agree that the sticky icky happens to feel great. I think about putting it down and then I think about how I tend to get very into my head and engage in recursive, go-nowhere thinking about things that doesn't help me, and how the devil's cabbage helps me let go of that sometimes. Maybe I should quit it though, then I wouldn't eat so much. I hate this bullshit of "Oh, you're older now, you just have a 'mature woman's body' of course you look different than you did in high school!" and so on. If you ask me, the term "mature woman's body" is just another excuse to not work on losing weight, exercising, and working on one's appearance. It is like saying "Oh I'm not fat, I'm just big boned." There are plenty of women out there way older than me that are thinner, more fit, etc. Their "mature women's bodies" don't seem to stop them from doing that. Neither should I, nor should I accept such a statement as a reason to not try. That's what I don't need. Platitudes designed to make me feel better that make excuses for a lack of effort - instead of the drive to actually work.
The sticky icky is tricky (horrible, I know). During last summer, I had a streak of 5/6 weeks, non-stop. The weird time after quitting put things into perspective. It correlated with the cold september/october weather here. So I had this weird phase and some winter depressions. This combination was not fun. The trick is to space the sessions out. Weekends work well. Unless I have to work/do something the next morning. Then I let it be. Good luck with the track team!