I really hope that you have an honest and critical attitude to this. I've seen the destruction that anorexia can bring and I really don't wish that on anyone. Well, last time I commented that I didn't knew what I wanted. I've had some amazing weeks where I feel like I have progressed quite a lot on this. There are some exciting steps that I'm taking to make next year even better than this one, and maybe progress is all I really need. We'll see. Right now I am just struggling with what's important to me. Am I really learning or just doing busy work? How do I know that what I do matters? How do I know I'm good at skills, how do I know those are important to me? But I'm making progress, both in those questions and in my life. That's good, I think.I want to be thinner. I don't think I will ever satisfy this want.
For those of you who participated last time, it might be useful to consider this a chance to update us.
:) I have been to a lot of therapy about this. It is probably going to be a lifelong want, that as I said I can never satisfy - but I'm in a good place mentally. I just recognize that the underlying desire that can lead to those really unhealthy mental places is still there. I don't hate myself. I don't think I look ugly. I consider it a condition, more like a cancer than a cold: it is in remission. I can probably never fully shake it. But as long as I treat myself well and manage it the way I've learned to, hopefully if I begin to take really negative self-destructive steps I can recognize them and prevent myself from going further down a corridor. I've never had full-blown anorexia* and hopefully, I never will. *This asterisk is a symbolic caveat. There have been times I have got by on eating very little to nothing for stretches at a time. However, psychologically speaking, I don't qualify.I really hope that you have an honest and critical attitude to this. I've seen the destruction that anorexia can bring and I really don't wish that on anyone.