I really hope that you have an honest and critical attitude to this. I've seen the destruction that anorexia can bring and I really don't wish that on anyone.

:) I have been to a lot of therapy about this. It is probably going to be a lifelong want, that as I said I can never satisfy - but I'm in a good place mentally. I just recognize that the underlying desire that can lead to those really unhealthy mental places is still there. I don't hate myself. I don't think I look ugly.

I consider it a condition, more like a cancer than a cold: it is in remission. I can probably never fully shake it. But as long as I treat myself well and manage it the way I've learned to, hopefully if I begin to take really negative self-destructive steps I can recognize them and prevent myself from going further down a corridor. I've never had full-blown anorexia* and hopefully, I never will.

*This asterisk is a symbolic caveat. There have been times I have got by on eating very little to nothing for stretches at a time. However, psychologically speaking, I don't qualify.