Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer a hand-rolled jay or just straight thumbing a nug into a classic glass hammer. No grinder, just a pristine bud pressed squarely into a bowl. Lazy. Cringeworthy. No fuss.

Right off the bat our author here, tells us straight up that he's lazy in how he smokes. Joints being on of the least efficient ways to smoke (large amounts of smoke loss due to continual burning while not inhaling), and while flower in a glass bowl is one of the most efficient ways to smoke, not grinding your bud just makes the bowl burn unevenly.

Moon rocks are like the spodi of cannabis. They are a five-gallon trash can filled with Everclear, red juice, and hastily sliced fruit you find at a shitty party. Will you get drunk at that party? Yes. Will you be proud of yourself in the morning? Doubtful.

To imply that even getting the most stoned you've ever been, to a degree of barely functioning and passing out is similar to heavily drinking is ignorant. Next day residual effects from getting stupid stoned is still not going to be anything comparable to having a hangover.

...making moon rocks is a huge mess. Making moon rocks is like sex on the beach on a hot muggy day.

...Personally, I’m terrible at making them and really didn’t care to. Not my product. Not my cup of tea. Also, I hate tea.

I'm just gonna straight up judge people who like to hate on tea like i's just one type of drink. A bit obtuse to assume no tea preparation would be enjoyable with so many flavors and types of ways of preparing a drink. Weird flex.

Think of a butcher. They sell their best cuts at premium prices, then take the fat and trimmings and make sausage. Sausages typically aren’t made from the best parts of an animal, but they are a very good tubed mixture of what’s left.

We've already compared moon rocks to spodi, but now we're bringing in a hot-dog metaphor in case that wasn't clear enough? At least the hot-dog metaphor fits better. Okay... high end hot-dogs and sausages aren't made with waste products. Plenty of companies make moon rocks with their high tier products, those moon rocks just cost more.

Moon rocks will get you so blazed. In my case, too blazed. I’m a lightweight and getting that blitzed is no bueno for me. I’ve got shit to do.

Translation: I am a lightweight complaining about a product never intended for someone with as low a tolerance that I have.

So maybe I don’t hate moon rocks. Just pack a bowl for me, though. Sandy hotdog space odysseys just aren’t my thing.

Glad the author and I ended up coming to the same conclusion:

1) Doesn't grind or break up his flower.

2) Too messy to enjoy making concentrate combos.

3) Kief reminds him of sand (insert Anakin hates sand meme).

Turns out this guy just doesn't like having sticky fingers.