I’m just gonna start straight out, this movie is like one big hallucination. It’s the kind of movie that’s best watched shared with someone else. Someone with a good sense of humor and a go with the flow kind of attitude. Dala has both in spades, so I had her watch it with me the other day. I personally thought it was a good time, but I’m pretty certain she thought otherwise. Either that, or it was so enjoyable she felt overwhelmed and saw the need to stop watching about three quarters of the way in. I dunno, you’ll have to ask her.
I’m not even gonna bother with describing the plot of this movie, because it’s a super thin, alien invasion plot. If you’ve seen Destroy All Monsters this is kind of a remake of that. Same but different. What is important that this film was a 50th anniversary celebration of the big guy and the last Godzilla film that Toho would make for a while, so they saw fit to send him off with a bang. Which, they more than succeeded. The action is almost non-stop and frenetic and at some points too much in a good way. Godzilla himself is overpowered and an absolute wrecking machine. There’s fan service throughout the film, from tons of monsters to cameos to references to just eye pleasing shots. This movie is like watching a little kid play with all of his Godzilla toys, but instead of a bunch of six inch tall plastic figures wreaking havoc in the sandbox, it’s a feature length film. I’m not gonna lie though, if you’re the type to take films too serious, you’re probably not gonna enjoy this. However, if you’re willing to kind of just go with the flow, this movie turns out great. It’s not a good movie, but unlike Godzilla v. King Ghidorah where they tried to make something serious and the flaws dragged it down, this is an adventure so zany that the flaws can’t really do anything to hurt or help it.
There are a lot of flaws too. The kind that make you ask questions. Who was in charge with the color tones of this film and why did they see a need to go overboard? Why are those battle trucks crashing randomly? Why is there a motorcycle in the back of that van? Who thought it was a good idea to have a giant sword sans hilt? What’s the whole point of the Minilla subplot? How did that lady get there at the very end? Why did Ebirah get more screen time than Hedorah when Hedorah is undisputedly the cooler and more powerful monster of the two? Why did they waste all of that budget and special effects effort on human battles instead of giving us more giant monster action? Who’s idea was it to put a thirty second clip from a Sum 41 song in there? Were those scenes homages to Star Wars, Independence Day, and The Matrix or were they rip offs? Where is the line drawn between homage and rip off? HOW DOES DON FRYE HAVE SUCH A MANLY MUSTACHE?!?! The questions are never ending, but then again, neither is the fun. So go with it.
Look, at this point, this whole piece really isn’t a review, is it? How can anyone really review this movie? It’s like one of those gourmet cupcakes where 3/4’s of the treat is a painfully bright colored, obscenely sweet frosting. I mean, no one is gonna claim the cupcake is good but no one is gonna claim the cupcake is not enjoyable. It’s enough sugar to fry your brain. What’s not to like?
Okay, I’ll tell you what’s not to like. The monster battles, minus the last one, are too short. That’s a shame. The choreography is great. The suits are great. The special effects are great. But you’re left wanting more, more, more. Yeah, Godzilla is an absolute beast that just plows through his competition effortlessly, and that’s fun to see, but you don’t get to see enough of it. For instance, yeah, seeing Hedorah get impaled by Ebirah was flipping sweet, but know what would have been even better than that? Actually seeing Godzilla fight Hedorah and Ebirah. I mean, what’s the point of building what looks like a totally awesome Hedorah suit if we get to see it for less than ten seconds? Talk about disappointing. I want more.
I don’t even know what to say about this film. If you read what I wrote and it sounds interesting to you, then you’ll probably love this film. If you read what I wrote and it sounds awful to you, then you should probably stay away from this film. If you read what I wrote and are wondering if I took up drinking again, well, I haven’t, it’s just the kind of film this is. It’s crazy. Crazy good. Crazy bad. Crazy fun. Crazy cringe. It’s just crazy, crazy, crazy. I give it a 3 out of 5, because I can’t say it’s good, but I also can’t say I don’t enjoy it, and sometimes, we need to admit ourselves that enjoyability is a quality we often crave, but don’t give the just consideration it deserves.