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comment by Isherwood
Isherwood  ·  2743 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Today's writing prompt: The Beginning

Thanks for the entry! Glad to have you and you're off to a great beginning.

It's an interesting start and you seem to have a good setup for the upcoming middle. I would say two things 1) I want to know the characters better and 2) I want to feel like I'm in the place more. Fran has a bit of description about her, but I have no image of the narrator. I don't have an image of the house either. Take a little time throughout the story to fill in the world and the people a bit.

On the topic of people, also give me some emotion. I know there's some kind of feeling between these two people, you painted a great little interaction between them, but I want to know at least how the narrator feels about it. Get in there and share some depth.

That's it for this one and thanks again for submitting.

daltonslaw  ·  2743 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thanks for the feed, I'll follow up in the next one, where I think I'll develop my characters a bit more.