Pixels was an unmitigated tour de force.
It has changed the way I look at life. At the world. Colors seem more dull. Love, more dampened. I can't look my family in the eyes anymore. I've lost my purpose. How will I ever compete with the majesty...the majesty that was Pixels?
Take everything that Pixar has ever made. Now multiple it by ten. Hold it. Let the powerful emotions and masterful cinematography of all of Pixar's filmography warm your body. NOW THROW IT IN THE FUCKING GARBAGE BECAUSE IT STILL ISN'T AS GOOD AS PIXELS.
2001: A SPACE ODESSY? PIXELS SPITS ON A SPACE ODESSY.
BLADE RUNNER? PIXELS SHITS ALL OVER BLADE RUNNER. IT DEMANDS MORE TO APPEASE ITS EFFORTLESS STORYTELLING.
People complain. They say: "Why doesn't Leo win an Oscar?" FUCK. LEO. Adam Sandler deserves an Oscar, and SO MUCH MORE for delivering Pixels unto us.
I weep. I WEEP for any movie that has to compete with this masterpiece.