if I feel happy the universe will conspire to make me suffer

I can relate to that feeling, sometimes it puts you on edge just waiting for it to all come crashing down... but the truth is: it's not going to happen, ever. This is a mental barrier that can be easy to overcome but once you do you'll want to climb back over as there's some sort of security in the idea -- if you don't do anything that makes you happy, nothing can happen. But please understand that those moments are fleeting, it is just a natural response to escape change and escape responsibility, but some souls feel it heavier than others. There's no magic one solution fits all, clinics and therapy can help some, alternative pursuits can help others, the one factor common to all though is determination. You are in control, you can break through the barrier, and you can continue on without climbing back.

Also alcohols a depressant, please do consider lowering your intake and eventually stopping; there's so much more to life and you're still young. Everyone can be a good person, some just never choose to, but it sounds like you want to be and that's an important factor. Try defining for yourself what a good person is, what does he do, what does he say? Then you can work on how to affect those changes within yourself.