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comment by Elisza
Elisza  ·  3452 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Writing Prompt: Dialogue only

Replying later with edit, saving this post for now.

Edit: How is the story?

Edit: ''Look man, you don't want to do that.''

''Shut up! What do you know about me? I'm done with this life. This bedraggled mess has nothing left to offer me. NOTHING. No! Stay back. Stay the hell back or I swear I'm jumping!''

''Woah, alright man, look, I stepped back. Take a deep breath, please step back from the edge. Come on buddy, your turn to step back, we can go for tea at my place if you do, and you can sit down and tell me everything there. There's always something to look forward to if you keep living.''

''You... you don't know anything, you lying sadistic looney! You-you're just trying to make me jump, aren't you? Because I'll end up like my mother, huh? Dead, spread-eagled, bones jutting out of her arms, blood... why am I even talking about her? It doesn't even matter anymore. Not this. Not my garbage life either. Not even that pathetic excuse of a husband. Good riddance, he couldn't even stand after I shot him in the legs once or twice. No, was it three? Hahahahahahaha, yes, he died too! You see why I have to go? He's calling me. You hear that? Angela... Angela... ANGELA! He's there, yes, he's there waiting for me.''

''You don't have to do this, Angela. If you jump, you'll see him, right? You don't want to see him, right?''

''But... can't you hear him in the wind, the shrill wind blowing tonight? He CALLS me. I'm tied to him. I can't escape. He's whispering that he'll do the same to me after I die. Burn me with red hot tongs by the fireplace. Gouge my eyes out. Dice my hand in the blender. But do I deserve all this? I was born better. HE corrupted me, it's all his fault. His fault. His fault.''

''Angela? You're right. Look, come back over the railings, we can go to my place and you can tell me everything about this, uh, shitty husband you had. Tell me all about him, and why you hate him.''

''Hate him? I hated Thomas, and I loved him. You see, he's dead, but not yet dead. He's poisoning my mind, filling it with his cooing promises of sweet release. No more worry, no more children's bleating, no more debt collectors, no more asinine superiors looking smug while I toil and waste away. He promises a world of bliss, can't you hear?''

''Didn't you say he wanted to carve your eyes out...? Why are you listening-''

''Hee, hee, hee! You are an idiot! He loves me, he couldn't possibly do that! Who told you about this? I didn't say that. And there is no one else here. Who let you into my head?' WHO LET YOU INTO MY HEAD?!''

''Angela, you told me about that only moments ago, you said you shot him too. Why did you shoot him? Didn't he love you?''

''He love me? Yes, he loved me only when he raped me. When he tore off my clothes and shoved it in while I bled and screamed no, and please Thomas stop it, it hurts. The longer I screamed, the more he'd do it to me. Force himself on me. Injected this drug that made it bliss and numbness and then hungry for more. Yes, Thomas loved me.''

''Jesus. I'm really sorry to hear that, truly. Angela... no, Angela! Don't do it, Angela, don't-''

''See you in hell, Thomas.''





Isherwood  ·  3451 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Good story. I think the restrictions were really tight and you did a good job of building the scene within those restrictions. It did make some of the dialogue a little odd, but it seemed reigned in enough to still fit.

I'm no writer myself, but the dialogue seemed good for the characters and I wanted to see the way things went.

Isherwood  ·  3452 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Shoot me a PM when you do, don't want to miss it.