In the absence of religion, I found myself being a completely nihilistic until I read the works of Camus, who recognizes the absence of inherit meaning, but also says that humans create their own meaning. The universe is an abstract combination of particles and waves. Humans observe these waves as color, and the particles as objects. We create beauty by, for example, arbitrarily describing a mountain as beautiful, there is no beauty until we look at that lump of atoms and say it is.
Everything we do in the modern world is synthetic: go to work, watch tv, eat, go on the internet, etc., but it doesn't mean those things are not worth doing; if someone derives enjoyment or meaning from those things is it not worth doing them because they are synthetic? I think not, and I have accepted the chaos and absurdity of existence and what keeps me going is humanity in general. Our art and cultures come from seemingly no where, and I think that's beautiful. My new purpose is to help other people because I have recognized that everyone is the center of their own universe and it is slowly becoming my default way of thinking rather than I alone is the center of universe.
I want to educate people and make others see the light. We are all groping blindly in the dark maze of existence, and occasionally some one or some thing brings light into it and helps them keep going. Whether it be religion, a person, a team of any kind, or humanity in general, it is paramount to fine "the light." The light that I have found is a deep love for humanity in general, it all its glory and its evil. What keeps me going is the desire to make humanity better, to make people see that everyone is an individual who thinks and feels just like them. I'm glad I have figured out my meaning in life, at a relatively young age (Although I am painfully aware that everything is different when you exit adolescence, but as of right now, I cannot even begin to fathom what life outside of high school will be like for me). So hubski, what keeps you going?
I live my life for no other purpose than to bring entertainment to others - and hopefully from that, education and enlightenment. Not "enlightenment" in the sense of knowledge or understanding, but in the sense of literally shedding light on or brightening their moods. My beliefs are...strange, for lack of a better word. I strongly enjoy and agree with most Rosicrucian and Hermetic ideologies, but there's something about chaos magic and its base principles that really speak to me. When lumped in with Freemasonry and a Catholic upbringing, there's some muddling of beliefs.
My overall meaning comes from a variety of places, as noted above, but I guess to determine what I derive it from in the most base terms would be the following: I attempt to be a builder of spirituality and morality for both myself and others I meet. I try to blend sex, death, and humor in with more traditional ideals to create an adapting system of understanding and belief that won't become stagnant with time. I believe that magic exists in the form of the imposition of one's will on the universe. I acknowledge that we are all immortal in the sense that the matter comprising us and the energy we generate and expend has been around since creation and will remain until the end of all things. I do not fear death, and my purpose in life is to brighten others on any plane we can connect on - mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual.
I'm glad to hear you've figured out your meaning for your current stage in life, but don't be afraid to embrace change. As you continue on your journey and broaden your worldview, there will be many moments and events which will impact your character and further refine it. As you mature further, your purpose for living may change. Do not be afraid of chaos, be respectful. Embrace the growth, even if it is painful at times. Above all, be honest with yourself about who you are. We are our choices.
I love Camus.
What you're saying resonates a lot with me. I myself can't remember a time when I actually believed in religion, in general. It helped that my parents, while religious, never forced their views on me. Anyway, due to that I've always had to face that, without this afterlife that religion provides, it's stupid to do anything. Why does anything matter if it's impossible to alter the outcome. Everybody you know will die, regardless of what you do. And so will you. And eventually, the whole universe is either going to collapse or stop expanding or expand so that life isn't possible, and enthropy will make sure that life will eventually end. So what's the point?
Well, the point is to have fun. As Camus and you said, there is no grand scheme of the universe. The universe is a chaotic combination of particles that have no idea what's happening and/or what's going to happen. The only grand scheme is in our head. And that's where we should derive meaning from as well. Whether the universe collapses in how many billion years from now and even spacetime becomes a point of infinite density where time has no meaning or not, what you do today does matter -- it matters to you, and it matters to the people you do it to.
As for what keeps me going, thinking does. I find that it's amazing that for a strange and seemingly chaotic arrangement of particles I can be here, be aware of myself, be able to think on what happened before and predict what is going to happen next. Just the fact that I can be here and ponder what the meaning of life is is, to me, amazing. In general, thinking about the human experience, and how amazing it is.
- everyone is the center of their own universe
I contemplate this and imagine what it is like for each of my friends. They have their own story, and I know a fraction of it, and from the outside. Yet, there is a world entirely theirs. It makes me feel a thing similar to admiration, with a touch of deference. What am I to them, when they are the center of their own universe? I hope I have added value to their lives.
What is the name of this emotion?
It's called sonder, and I feel you. It's scary that I'll never know what anyone else thinks or feels, we're all isolated in our own thoughts and feelings, but the truth is probably underwhelming. Most people think just as much you think about other people, which is rarely. Maybe that's relieving to some people, and scary for others, but it seems to me to be the truth.
There's great book about meaning of life, by Viktor Frankl: "Man's Search for Meaning". Really worth reading.
As for my meaning, it's something between my self development and doing my job. I'm a librarian in academic library and I always consider grades of "my" students as part of my job. I have my dark days, but most of the time I can't wait to go to work (even on mondays!). My own self-development is a big part of this, because I think that what I represent by myself is part of the library I work for.
Every "thank you", smile, everytime I hear that I helped somebody - those are my "lights" in life.