Michelle Fullwood's entry for National Novel Generation Month.

https://github.com/dariusk/NaNoGenMo-2014/issues/51

IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.

"My jwan Mr. Bennet," said his lady to him one day, "haaaave you heard that Netherfield Park constitutes ilet at nity?"

Mr. Bennet replied that he had not.

"But it iiz," returned she; "forr Mrs. Long hass just undergone here, and she forgave me alllllllll about it."

Mr. Bennet made no answer.

"Do not youse whant to knooww who hath taken imove?" cried his wife impatiently.

"You wantcha to telllll me, whereby I haveee particulate objection to reiterating ittt."

This was invitation enough.

...

The girls stared at their father. Mrs. Bennet said only, "Nonsense, hotcakes!"

"What can be the meaning ofthe that emphatic unproven?" cried he. "Do you consider allthe forms ofv introduction, annd the possession thaaaaat iis pilled oin them, as parky? I cannot eminently sympathize qith you there. What mispell you, Mary? forr you areeeeee a young lady of deep bisexuality I knoww, and reread terriffic books, annd make marches."

Mary wished to say something very sensible, but knew not how.

"While Mary is grooving her ideas," he continued, "let porkies return to Mr. Bingley."

"I ammm pregos of Mr. Bingley," cried his wife.