Kind of a wide-open question, really, answerable in so many ways. We'll start by stating something important: This was the era of Casey Kasem and Rick Dees, of massive record labels, lateral marketing and payola on a truly grand scale.

The artificial rock stars pushed so hard upon the public ring out for me. Corey Hart's Sunglasses at Night.. Harold Faltermeyer's Axel F. Ray Parker Jr's Ghostbusters. Force-fed pop predestined to be huge whether we liked it or not. Fat, shitty basslines, preposterous lyrics, inoffensive pop bullshit.

The countercultural explosions that took over anyway and outlasted the premanufactured crap. Duran Duran's Rio - the Roland Jupiter 8 and saturated vocals. Born in the USA by the boss - one of his hardest-rockin' tunes EVAR and it's a fuckin' synth anthem. Dire Straits want their MTV. How many toms are there in that drumset?

The ascendancy of the 70s monsters, adapting and dominating the 80s landscape - Don Henley's Boys of Summer. Journey somehow having a game on the Atari and not being mocked into oblivion. David Gilmour turning Pink Floyd into a lounge act and still rocking.

Entire new genres - Run DMC exposing rap to white kids. Ratt standing at the apex of hair metal (HOLY SHIT MILTON BERLE). Paul Hardcastle attempting to create techno with one hand tied behind his back.

But fuck, the paranoia. Land of Confusion telling us we'd die in a fireball because our leaders were stupid puppets. Nena blaming helium. Sting hoping the Russians weren't that stupid.

In the end, though, it was the age of the rock star, and the age of excess. The King of Pop at the absolute pinnacle of his game. Prince, not caring if Boy George called him "a dwarf dipped in a bucket of pubic hair." Madonna at the cusp of her 30-year reign.

Which, really, gives us two choices:

- retarded British excess

or

- retarded American excess.

The 90s were inevitable, really - I mean, look at this shit.