Thanks for your comments cgod. You say to start with listening and understanding others. Who were the zany cultists and how did they teach you to communicate?After that one needs to know one's own mind. If you don't know what you want or why you want it, it's very hard to make others understand or support your vision.
I'm inclined to agree with you. The problem with understanding others is that we often think we already do, so we jump in and try and fix things before really understanding the problem. As for knowing what we want and having a vision of our own lives -- that requires reflection and thoughtfulness, maybe some solitude, maybe some open-hearted discussion.
There are a bunch of communications skills that can be learned and drilled. I don't know where you go to learn them. I picked most of them up from a bunch of zany cultists.
In the absence of zany cultists, books are helpful. One of the best ones I read is called *Difficult Conversations*, but there's lots out there. Courses are good too if you can find one.