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humanodon · 4384 days ago · link · · parent · post: Another poem I have kicking around my hard drive.
I really like the driving concept of this. I think it might work a bit better if the "I" were to be fleshed out as a character experiencing this world that the "hero" creates for the "I." I think that the reader really has to be set up to feel the loss of magic that comes with facing reality and the difficulty of suspending disbelief after the mundanity of fact has shattered an image. It's like a dreamer awakening only to realize it was a dream and trying to sink back into it, only to have things go awry if at all.