Just watched "Portrait of a Lady on Fire" and really enjoyed this movie. It helps that I speak French, because I could be 100% engrossed instead of reading the subtitles - but even so I think it's a film worth watching.

It somehow mirrored emotions and a headspace I've been in since New Years, and it feels good to direct the feelings towards a screen instead of inwards.

I've also foolishly (but perhaps also because of sleep deprivation) called classical music "cheesy" a few days ago. Felt like an immature teenager hot-take even while I was saying it. And the movie definitely made me regret my words even more. I think the biggest thing that has ruined classical music for me, is that dumb broom animation by Walt Disney. It's just so intertwined in my mind, I can't un-couple it and listen to classical things with a fresh ear and good mental imagery.

I've tried to find some good classical stuff to listen to today, but it's all just so vast I don't know where to start. I'm too impatient so I end up skipping around a piece, never settling in. Music is the medium I've always had the most trouble connecting with. I get bored, annoyed, frustrated I'm not actually finding what I want to listen to. I've had my moments with music, but they come rarely. They are not easily-replicable. And I'm always surrounded my extreme music lovers, it almost feels like i'm handicapped sometimes.

Even with the mega shitty start of this year with the government probably announcing our harshest lockdown yet tomorrow, I'm optimistic about the coming year.