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I think that often times restraint can be a show of strength, and that expressions of violence can be a sign of weakness. Like the schoolyard bully who needs to prove his toughness over and over, the retributive justice of the death penalty gives us a story to tell ourselves about how tough we are. The state could have the same monopoly on violence and not exercise it so freely. It's a confident person who has all the power in the world and chooses not to use it wantonly.