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OftenBen  ·  158 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: April 18, 2018

Brief health update - Still trying to get back to the office, failed 4/4 days this week so far. Going to try again tomorrow. The part that yields the most frustration isn't actually being bed-bound for the first 1/4 of my conscious day. It's the fact that at least half of the physicians I talk to want to pin the majority of my symptoms on anxiety. I have anxiety. According to my counselor and the psych-D who prescribes my nerve pain med and who would be the managing physician for any psychotropic meds I would take, it is well controlled and NOT the cause of my chest issues. It contributes, it makes things more difficult, but it's not causative. In fact, it seems to be that I'm only anxious when I am experiencing symptoms such that I can't function. Yes, Dr. So-and-so, I am aware that my symptoms are not presenting typically. The walls of my heart are four times thicker than they should be and so filled with scar tissue that several of the imaging/assessment tools we use are basically useless on me. Yes, I am aware that I am not going to be getting a heart transplant any time soon. What this whole mess amounts to at the moment is playing around with medication dosage and timing and hoping it helps.

Music - Tonight is the first rehearsal for the Verdi Requiem with the Ann Arbor Symphony. The show is Saturday night. This music is old hat for many members of the choir but it’s my first time performing the piece in its entirety and I’m looking forward to it quite a bit. I am a bit nervous about doing the whole 90 minutes standing truthfully, but people have sat down for sections of shows before, and we have a longstanding rule in this chorus that it is better to sit down than fall down. I worry more that I will have too much pride to recognize when I need to take a seat I suppose.

I’ve also been playing my guitar a bit more than I have recently. Working on an acoustic cover of Gooey by Glass Animals that is coming together pretty well. I think I still need some more work with a metronome before I record anything again though. My tone is great but my tempi need work. I have this musical theater flair for the dramatic that leads to an inconsistent tempo when I ‘feel’ it a bit too much.

Grubski - The pork buns turned out well. My dad brought me back some mangrove snapper fillets from Florida so I marinated them in fresh orange juice and pepper and baked them (TFW no grill in sight) and they turned out pretty awesome aside from all the little bones.