I accepted a 3 month internship in Montreal, Canada, for a group of livestreaming professional chess players called the Chessbrahs. I've watched these guys for a year and a half and it's mesmerizing that I get to meet them in person, nevertheless bunk with them. I get room, food, and enough time to work on my freelance stuff, and it seems really good for the workload I'll be doing for them. I'm imagining it like a social vacation in Canada that I'm pretty much only able to do right now. Life is bizarre, I hope I'm not being overly cavalier. Leaving November 14th.

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I did an innovation sprint spanning the length of October, and I thought I was shitty, overly critical and avoidant, but I ended up winning two leadership awards and now I feel, even shittier? Especially because I didn't follow through on my teams fucking powerpoint presentation, my team just scrapped by with a previous draft that someone else made. I'm good at bullshitting, but I can't bullshit myself.

One of the awards bought me a ticket to a weekend startup innovation sprint that's happening the weekend before I leave, so I'm getting further suckered into the Alaskan yCombinator world.

The best thing I learned from the innovation sprint is that I'm really realizing is that it's nearly impossible for me to work by myself now. I have to deal with some self-imposed existential crisis before I can even answer emails at the beginning of the day. I let the procrastination monkey get too good at handling deadline stress, and I'm starting to feel nothing when deadlines pass over me. I'm hoping that my internship will help me out of this learned helplessness funk.