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user-inactivated  ·  606 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: September 20, 2017

    But then I put my name on it and it hangs over both of us. Maybe I don't put my name on it and then it hangs over me. I don't know.

Shit sucks. I'm not gonna give advice one way or another, but I will say something annecdotately that might help with perspective.

When I was having money problems every once in a blue moon my mother would send me a check in the mail, unsolicited. I never cashed them unless I was absolutely desperate and I kept track of every last dollar and when things got better I tried my best to pay her back a bit at a time. When Dala and I got married, her wedding gift to us was forgiving what was left of my debt.

There is a deep, deep burning shame in that whole scenario that I honestly can't describe. Nothing has ever made me feel like less of a person and I honestly doubt I'll ever come across anything that ever will. I'm not mad at her, because what she did out of me she did out of love and concern, much like what you're considering is motivated by the same.

I just think, maybe if you do something that big, you should throw some feelers out and see what kind response you get. After all, in the hardest of times, a man's dignity is the most important thing he has to hold on to.