I think through a year of hubskis and pubskis I've gone from working at a startup to NEET to starting an online literary journal to employed at an agency to freelance web designer bordering NEET. It's kind of a messy backstory, but I think burnout, ADHD, and internet addiction are the main themes? I did it because it felt like a good time to finally try it out.

The days afterward were terrible. After the trip I slept for 12 hours, and the next day I couldn't bring myself to do anything but play Legend of Zelda BOTW for the whole day (which is kind of interesting, because I find gameplay in it intrinsically rewarding). The past three days not only have me fatigued and easily irritable, but also as if my ability to feel joy has been muted, instead only feeling states of relief from being not-hungry and not-bored.

My original tripsitter was going to be an old friend from high school, but they couldn't make it. I asked someone else I had slight romantic intentions for to replace them, which may have been a bad idea. I'm pretty sure I would have asked both to cuddle. The craving for physical interaction while on MDMA is insane. In the recording, I compared the inability to cuddle to an extreme loneliness, almost feeling like a sunburn. Negative thoughts tend to spiral in that state though.