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This is also part of life.

In a way your right, people have no fucks to give.

Now that I'm away, have a business and a sane life and family I have almost no fucks to give.

I want to be as far away from it as I possibly can.

Becoming a father filled me with fear. There might be something would be wrong with my child. Part of it is the normal stuff, she might come out shy a limb or what not. The real fear was that she would carry the taint of my families insanity and were not out of the woods yet.

The two generations before me were pretty fucked. Three suicides, a familial murder, unquantifiable amounts of substance abuse and depression. Lots of mental illness induced familial terrorism.

But my life now is so normal and stable. I don't live in fear or worry. I do worry, it's hard wired when you spend your youth looking over your shoulder for the next off the rocker insane blow up. Each day goes on mostly like the one before it. People have reasonable expectations and reasonable reactions to my successes and failures. The wife and I have probably only had five drag out yelling arguments in our over decade together. It's all so much calmer and predictable, I hope I never have to worry about that other life we don't talk about ever again.