Thanks, Steve. I appreciate your input. I have nothing to compare myself against, and so far, I've seen - or paid attention to - the early successful people. The imprint stuck, though your point of view makes things clearer.

I'm not asking for help. I need it, because where I'm stuck, there's no crawling out of on my own, and I won't hesitate to ask - but this post isn't me asking: it's a public declaration, like what people do for fitness and reading books. It seemed clear that I should write about it at the time. I'm not sure about the goal of writing about it now, but I don't regret it.

I'd really like to do something with my life - and so far, I've seen successes - small, but important. If that's the means to achieve it, I'll take it. What's the phrase? "War times take war measures"? And I'm fighting. If I'm really this hopeless - I'll go, but I don't want to believe that I am for a second. I know I'm going for something great in my life; I want it, and I need it. I want my life to be about something; doesn't have to be world-changing - just life-changing, personally.

I appreciate you getting involved, but you're pushing me to do good. Please don't: I operate terribly under the pressure of improvement; I become rebellious, and that's the last thing I need right now - to rebel against doing better.