I mentioned this on IRC shortly after it happened, but I guess I should tell this story more-- concretely? publicly? New Year's Eve. I host a party with a couple close friends. Around 12:30am, 1/1/16: Me: "Anyway, who wants to make out to bring in the new year?" Ex: "Okay!" Now, I was clearly joking. She was not. I had no intention of kissing anyone, but once it was a possibility, I couldn't say no. So we kissed. And it was great, and it was a terrible idea. One of the worst decisions I've made in a while-- but I can't regret it. Things are a little awkward between us now, I don't know. It sucks. But goddamn it felt good. After I related this incident to the college friends, one said this, which stuck with me: So that's where I'm at. More generally, being home while all your friends are in school fucking sucks. One thing I really got used to about college was how close everyone else was: I could hang out with friends, like, whenever I wanted. Now I'm home, and all my friends are in school 8-4, and when they're not they're either rowing or doing homework or taking aerial classes or free but a 45 minute drive away. Shit gets old.The attractive one who does aerial acrobatics and for whom I clearly still have feelings and it's probably mutual but it's also really hard and she alternates between being perfect for me and not being emotionally mature enough to treat me with the respect I need in a relationship.